I know it’ll get better — it always does. Emotions are like waves: they ebb and flow so even if it’s a “pleasant” or “unpleasant” emotion, it’ll always come and then go.
It’s sad that it’s always the same things that get to me. Mainly, college. I ended the cycle pretty early on with early decisions but I can’t help but think about the possibilities of getting into other great schools. I sometimes sit here and ponder for more than 3 hrs to just judge myself for the decision I made and how I could’ve made a “better” school. I would’ve liked to.
I was scrolling through Instagram and I’ve realized that the perpetual train of thought that loops around again and again keeps me paralyzed. Instagram only draws out that time, allowing myself a temporary distraction while the train keeps running. And I sit on that train, ignoring all of the stops. But there was one post that prompted me to seek out the next stop:
There’s nothing I can do at this point, and staying stuck in this rumination of mine will not do me any good. I need to let go of the past to move forward. I want to let go and move on.
Whenever taking the next step forward, I won’t allow myself to sit and ponder so much any more. I want to find the next stop and channel my energy to help me in ways that mobilize me forward rather than loop me around in circles.
